Reflection on quite from the book “Anne Frank”
I don’t think my opinions are stupid and others do; so it is better to keep them to myself.
Dear Anne Frank,
I know how you feel because some times my opinion aren’t talking into play but, I feel that it is still not right to keep all you ideas, feelings and thoughts all bottled up. So I have to disagree with you 100%. I feel this is so because even though my ideas are not put to use often I still believe that you must keep sharing your thoughts because if you don’t you will never learner and progress through out your life. I feel that adults don’t take us seriously because to them we are and will always still be the baby of the family which is wrong and mistaken. The best thing to do is to act like a sensible and mature adult so they might start taking you as an independent person with your great ideas because if you want to be treated like an adult you have to act like an adult. In addition I think that adults don’t really listen to your statements is because from time to time they think they know the best because they’re the oldest and this maybe true because since they have experienced more years of mistakes they learn lots more from them then you or I will ever learn right now. Another factor that might be a great help to get adults to listen to you is to be confident in your idea and want to share it to the world, you should also back up your ideas with reasons and facts because if you know that there good quality questions and believe it, others then will start to also. It may not be the brightest idea but you still would have expressed yourself. I know that kids have a trouble time at asking questions sometimes because their afraid of what people might say in return weather it’s good or bad but the best way to learn is to learn form others and their opinions of your questions or statements. People may not agree with your ideas but, because very body has there right to their own opinion so remember, even if your listeners say or act like your question is stupid don’t let what others say put you down because if you believe in their bad comments then you will start believing it soon enough. The quote you have said above can also be related to people our age too. People have different perceptions of life either it being the greatest thing that has ever happened or the worst thing in the world with stress and home work but really it’s right in between it because today could be a great day while tomorrow it becomes a bad day so all I can say really is to make the most of it and the only way to do that other then trying to do dangerous stunts is to share ideas, get your dreams across everyone and by sending your ideas to new places. So as a conclusion I would just like to say to Anne Frank to never give up on your thoughts and ideas because that is what makes you, well you!!!
Your friend,
Ramzi
December 2nd, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Ramzi,
I find your writing very articulate and clear, however there are somethings I question. Some of your tenses are not very fitted and a fragment I do not understand is (I know how you feel because some times my opinion aren’t talking into play but ) opinions don’t talk. Here are some other things I do not understand.
.
Sentence Fluency:
(you ideas, feelings and thoughts all bottled up. So I have to disagree with you 100%.) I think after “bottled up” you should put a comma to join these sentences so that you won’t sound so choppy.
(they’re the oldest and this maybe true because since they have experienced more years of) When you say “because since” you are using two D’s side by side, which makes the sentence wrong.
(others then will start to also) I think you should refrase this fragment to “others will then start to do so too”
I suggest you reread this piece of writing again, for your sentences do not flow smoothly.
Word Choice: You have been repeatedly using the word (Feel/Feeling) Consider substituting this word with another verb.
Ideas & Content:
(Another factor that might be a great help to get adults to listen to you is to be confident in your idea and want to share it to the world, you should also back up your ideas with reasons and facts because if you know that there good quality questions and believe it, others then will start to also.)
I find this sentence is exceptionally clear, focused, engaging with relevant, strong detail, interesting because you have stated your point and has good supporting detail.
Notes: Its “everybody” not “very body”
I think that your work has a point and you give good supporting details however
your writing is not smooth, easy to read with expression, accurate, striking. original- sometmes quotable, lively, energetic-individual as fingerprints, and shows emotion, humor, honesty, suspense for life. Your writing was overall average though I strongly advice you to self edit and revise what you have written along with my other comments and corrections.
Keep your progress consistent and you will reach the final draft successfully!
Novia
December 3rd, 2006 at 1:24 pm
There wasn’t really any organization needed because you only wrote the letter and yout voice was good. I tottally agree with the fact that you said that people will not always agree with your ideas, this is absolutely true. How people will react to this is different from person to person. Your ideas where clear and I can see what you are trying to achieve here. Well done.
Milos
December 4th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
Hi Ramzi! I loved your letter!
Word Choice: Words you used were very well-chosen and I could see vivid image of what you want Anne to be.
Sentence Fluency: Well, i think everyone has some problems for sentence fluency, but i think you did quite well on that. Sentences are not dull and it was very fun to read.
Conventions：I think you did not have any errors.
I think you did a wonderful job and you do not have any problems with these 3 traits!
December 5th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Hey Ramzi,
I just wante to point out that you should try to put paragraphs in to make it easier for the reader to read. When you finish a thought just make a new paragraph and start the new thought. Other wise great job!
Taylor
December 5th, 2006 at 10:09 pm
Hey,
You had some great ideas, but i have to say i must disagree with you about something. I do not think everyone thought of her as a baby and that she was used for entertainment. They may not have thought of her as there equal but she did have ideas of her own some of which i’m sure everyone must have agreed with.
Word Choice
Language is functional and appropriated. word choice energizes writing.
I can definatley see that you have made an improvment in your word choice. But you must focus on how to use them properly in a sentence.
Sentence Fluency
Generaly in controll, good variety in length and structure.
Conventions
Control of most writing conventions. occasional minor errors.
Your writing is very much understandable. However, sometimes you mix up words (e.g. talking instead of taking) and you do have a few grammar errors. you also have a few errors how you arrange your words in a sentence.
Overall, Pretty good job.
December 7th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
Hi Ramzi! I think you have done such a great job with the letter!
Word choice: Words you used are all carefully chosen!
Sentence Fluency: Well, I think you have done a good job with it even though many of us have difficulities of having variety of sentence patterns.
Convention: I think you did not have any spelling mistakes and things like that.
Overall, you do not have any problems with these 3 traits.
December 7th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
Sorry Ramzi, I thought I could not post my comment, so I posted it for twice…
My apology…
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
hello i just found this web site while surching for info on a paper.
my name is maea.
i loved the way you write- sometimes
you tend to come on to strongly to get a point across.
find me on myspace with any questions on your writing.
im a writer myself.
(/dancer)
-mae~a